I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize