its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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