and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
