ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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