He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
