never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
