I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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