I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
