i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
