This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
