Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
