the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
