Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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