3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
