Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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