the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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