He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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