is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i've created a new STD.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
