WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
