I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
