theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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