Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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