see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
