i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
