My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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