So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I think i got beer on your cat.
please don't ironically join a cult
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