My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
