Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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