I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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