I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
