cat food counts as protein by the way
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
