If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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