"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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