And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize