i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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