my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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