When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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