just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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