Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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