your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize