Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
