You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
