I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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