TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
