Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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