im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
