Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
