It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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