I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize