If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize