you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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