Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
