she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
