Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
They took my balls.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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