I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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