he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
