are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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