I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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