im holly from the hills drunk
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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