fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
