Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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