so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
