So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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