discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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