Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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