he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
